Five Marital Conflicts and How To Resolve Them (Money, Parenting, Sex, Division of Labor, In-  Laws): The Guide to Getting Along

by Matthew Alexander, Ph.D., M.A.

Based on his thirty five years of experience as a couples therapist and educator, Dr. Alexander has written a book that is wise, pragmatic and of great value to couples who struggle with any of these five common conflict areas. In addition to providing specific exercises, guidance and innovative tips to help couples resolve these five marital conflicts, Dr. Alexander includes case studies, resources and a fresh perspective on coupling entitled “12 Recommendations for Prosperous Partnerships.”

This book is essential reading for all couples and the professionals who serve them. It is currently only available through this website and at Dr. Alexander’s seminars and continuing education presentations.

Book Excerpt

Principle Ten: Build Your Empathy Muscle

We all want to be noticed. We all want to be understood. Empathy, the ability to put ourselves in someone else’s shoes, allows us to notice and understand our partners. 

To build your empathy muscle, slow down and pay attention. Start by tuning into your own emotional life…this will make it easier to identify these same emotions in your spouse. Then pay attention to details about your spouse: what are they wearing, how they are spending their days, who are their friends? Also observe the expressions on their face and try to match those with emotions they may be feeling. Paying attention to such details will help you build your empathy muscle.

Principle Eleven: Apologize When You Are Wrong

If I had ten dollars for every client that complained that their spouse never apologized, I would be retired and living in Tahiti. Why is sorry the hardest word? Simply because a true apology is humbling and takes courage. And it has to be heartfelt to be effective. 

I have listed the four key ingredients of a compassionate apology. When you have had a chance to cool down after a bad fight, a compassionate apology is an effective way to recover.

One important thing to remember about apology is that there are two connotations of the word sorry.

Connotation One: This “sorry” conveys responsibility. Example: “I am sorry I messed up and took the wrong road because I didn’t pay attention to your directions.”

Connotation Two: This “sorry” conveys sympathy not culpability i.e. “I am sorry that you are suffering.” Example: “I am sorry you spilled water on your pants and are wet!” 

If you are unable to convey connotation one, connotation two might be a reasonable substitute and certainly is better than no apology.


Books and Book Chapters

Cinemeducation: A Comprehensive Guide to Using Film in Medical Education

Edited by Matthew Alexander, Patricia Lenahan and Anna Pavlov

Originally published by Radcliffe Publishing, Oxford, England; Seattle, Washington: 2005

ISBN # 1 85775 692 4

 $52.00

This book provides medical and graduate educators with an innovative and effective cinema-based curriculum useful for teaching a broad array of topics. It is also useful for psychotherapists who wish to use cinema in their counseling as well as high school and college teachers who address psychological and social issues in their classrooms.

The book covers important areas in medical education such as chronic illness, disabilities, chemical dependency, cultural diversity, mental disorders and the doctor-patient relationship cataloguing over 450 scenes from 125 popular movies on video with relevant descriptions and trigger questions for leading group discussion.

 “Cinemeducation is a marvelous tool that is entirely user friendly. Alexander, Lenahan and Pavlov have captured an amazing array of significant small scenes from a large variety of films, cameos illustrating crucial moments and interactions. I know how hard it is to capture learners’ attention and to break through the reluctance to deal with uncomfortable situations. Using the material that can be found in this volume we will all have a much easier and successful time”

– Marian R. Stuart in the foreword

 “I expect that this book will stimulate a significant increase in the use of film clips in medical education, at medical schools, residencies and with continuing professional education”

– Thomas L. Campbell in the foreword

Cinemeducation: A Comprehensive Guide to Using Film in Medical Educationcan be ordered directly from the publisher at (800) 247-6553 or on Amazon.com. The book can also be ordered directly from your local bookstore by using the ISBN number.


Cinemeducation: Using Film and Other Visual Media in Graduate and Medical Education (Volume 2).

 Edited by Matthew Alexander, Patricia Lenahan and Anna Pavlov.

Originally published by Radcliffe Publishing, London, England; New York, New York: 2012.

ISBN – 13: 978 184619 507 5

$ 79.00

This book expands the scope of the previous book on cinemeducation by including chapters on the use of YouTube, television and music videos in graduate and medical education. It is extensive and international in scope, including multiple chapters written by physician educators on topics such as cardiology, cancer and sports medicine as well as chapters on mental health topics such as the Myers Briggs Test, the Enneagram, loss and bereavement and burnout.

 “This book is a welcome contribution that brings together an impressive number of enthusiasts who write about using films with illustrative clips to teach a wide variety of subjects ranging from what movies mean to the viewer and the teacher to family functioning and the impact of specific diseases. In so doing, the book encourages teachers and students alike not only to learn but also to have fun at the same time.”

Professor Susan Bailey, in her Foreword.

“Everyone learns from movies. No other art form recreates life as vividly as film. This second edition of Cinemeducation greatly expands the scope of situations and experience by presenting an amazing array of films and other visual media for medical education. This book is a library unto itself and will serve as a valuable and fun resource for medical educators.”

– Dr. Joseph Scherger in his Foreword.

Cinemeducation:Using Film and Other Visual Media in Graduate and Medical Education can be ordered directly from the publisher at www.radcliffepublishing.com, by calling (800) 247-6553 or by ordering directly from your local bookstore by using the ISBN number.


Online Podcasts

Listen to Dr. Alexander’s conversation with Stephanie Lockwood about real life Hollywood romanceson the podcast Stay Happily Married. (Click here to open audio player in a new window.)


Books

Alexander, M, Lenahan, P, Pavlov, A Cinemeducation: Using Film and Other Visual Media in Graduate and Medical Education, Volume 2, Radcliffe Publishing, London, New York, 07/12, ISBN # 13: 978 1846 19 507 5.
 
Cinemeducation: A Comprehensive Guide to the Use of Film in Medical Education, Alexander, M, Lenahan, P, Pavlov, A, Editors, Radcliffe Publishing LTD, Oxford, Seattle, 01/05, ISBN # 1-85775-692-4.


Book Chapters 

Alexander, M. Let’s Look at the Data: A Review of the Literature.In: Alexander, M, Lenahan, P, Pavlov, A. Cinemeducation: Using Film and Other Visual Media in Graduate and Medical Education, Volume 2, Radcliffe Publishing, London, New York, 07/12, 3-9.
 
Alexander, M. Teaching Us What It Means to be Human: Why Movies Move Us. In: Alexander, M, Lenahan, P, Pavlov, A. Cinemeducation: Using Film and Other Visual Media in Graduate and Medical Education, Volume 2, Radcliffe Publishing, London, New York, 07/12, 10-21.
 
Alexander, M. Let’s Analyze Everything: Individual, Couples, and Group Therapy. In: Alexander, M, Lenahan, P, Pavlov, A. Cinemeducation: Using Film and Other Visual Media in Graduate and Medical Education, Volume 2, Radcliffe Publishing, London, New York, 07/12, 305-318.
 
Alexander, M., Zamudio, A.Two to Tango: Couples in the Cinema.In: Alexander, M, Lenahan, P, Pavlov, A, Cinemeducation: Using Film and Other Visual Media in Graduate and Medical Education, Volume 2, Radcliffe Publishing, London, New York, 07/12, 31-42.
 
Alexander, M., Boyce, K, Pitt, L, Krause, K, Personality Typing Anyone?: The Myers Briggs Personality Inventory. In: Alexander, M, Lenahan, P, Pavlov, A, Cinemeducation: Using Film and Other Visual Media in Graduate and Medical Education. Volume 2, Radcliffe Publishing, London, New York, 07/12, 249-260.
 
Alexander, M., Lenahan, P, Pavlov, A Preface,In: Alexander, M, Lenahan, P, Pavlov, A, Cinemeducation: Using Film and Other Visual Media in Graduate and Medical Education, Volume 2, Radcliffe Publishing, London, New York, 07/12, X-xii.
 
Alexander, J, Alexander, M, Pavlov, A, Lenahan, P. The Heart of the Matter: Cardiac Disease, In: Alexander, M, Lenahan, P, Pavlov, A, In: Cinemeducation: Using Film and Other Visual Media in Graduate and Medical Education, Volume 2, Radcliffe Publishing, London, New York, 07/12, 150-158.
 
Thibodeau, E, Consonni, L, Alexander, M, Kotis, A, Manookin, K This Won’t Hurt a Bit:Novocaine and Other Sorrows,In: Cinemeducation: Using Film and Other Visual Media in Graduate and Medical Education, Volume 2, Radcliffe Publishing, London, New York, 07/12, 277-282.
 
Alexander, M, A Day in the Life of a Cinemeducator, in Tischler, V. (Ed) Mental Health, Psychiatry and the Arts, 08/10; Radcliffe Publishing LTD, Oxford
 
Alexander, M. A Review of the Literature.In: Alexander, M, Lenahan, P, Pavlov, A, eds. Cinemeducation: A Comprehensive Guide to the Use of Film in Medical Education.Radcliffe Publishing LTD, Oxford, Seattle, 01/05, 3-5.
 
Alexander, M. A Graduate Survey of Cinemeducation. In: Alexander, M, Lenahan P, Pavlov, A, eds. Cinemeducation: A Comprehensive Guide to the Use of Film in Medical Education. Radcliffe Publishing LTD, Oxford, Seattle, 01/05, 183-187.
 
Alexander, M, Williams, J. The Difficult Patient.In: Alexander, M, Lenahan, P, Pavlov, A, eds. Cinemeducation: A Comprehensive Guide to the Use of Film in Medical Education. Radcliffe Publishing LTD, Oxford, Seattle, 01/05, 137-139.
 
Alexander, M, Lenahan, P. Chemical Dependency.In: Alexander, M, Lenahan, P, Pavlov, A, eds. Cinemeducation: A Comprehensive Guide to the Use of Film in Medical Education. Radcliffe Publishing LTD, Oxford, Seattle, 01/05, 89-93
 
Alexander, M, Waxman, D, Fraser, K. Family Dynamics.In: Alexander, M, Lenahan, P, Pavlov, A, eds. Cinemeducation: A Comprehensive Guide to the Use of Film in Medical Education. Radcliffe Publishing LTD, Oxford, Seattle, 01/05, 35-40.
 
Alexander, M, Waxman, D, Simpson, J. Anxiety, Depression and Somatoform Disorders. In: Alexander, M, Lenahan, P, Pavlov, A, eds. Cinemeducation: A Comprehensive Guide to the Use of Film in Medical Education. Radcliffe Publishing LTD, Oxford, Seattle, 01/05, 81-86.
 
Alexander, M, Lenahan, P, Pavlov, A. The Future of Cinemeducation. In: Alexander, M, Lenahan, P, Pavlov, A, eds. Cinemeducation: A Comprehensive Guide to the Use of Film in Medical Education. Radcliffe Publishing LTD, Oxford, Seattle, 01/05, 197-199.
 
Williams, J, Alexander, M. Personality and Dissociative Disorders.In: Alexander, M, Lenahan, P, Pavlov, A, eds. Cinemeducation: A Comprehensive Guide to the Use of Film in Medical Education.Radcliffe Publishing LTD, Oxford, Seattle, 01/05, 113-117.
 
Blasco, P, Alexander, M. Ethics and Human Values. In: Alexander, M, Lenahan, P, Pavlov, A, eds. Cinemeducation: A Comprehensive Guide to the Use of Film in Medical Education. Radcliffe Publishing LTD, Oxford, Seattle, 01/05, 141-144.
 
Hooper, S, Alexander, M, Allbright, T, Wan, C, Burks, J, Lenahan, P. The Professional and Personal Self of the Physician. In: Alexander, M, Lenahan, P, Pavlov, A, eds. Cinemeducation: A Comprehensive Guide to the Use of Film in Medical Education. Radcliffe Publishing LTD, Oxford, Seattle, 01/05, 131-135.
 
Waxman, D, Alexander, M, Kirkpatrick, H, Blasco, P. Interviewing Skills. In: Alexander, M, Lenahan, P, Pavlov, A, eds. Cinemeducation: A Comprehensive Guide to the Use of Film in Medical Education. Radcliffe Publishing LTD, Oxford, Seattle, 01/05, 125-128.
 
Lenahan, P, Pavlov, A, Alexander, M. Eating Disorders. In: Alexander, M, Lenahan, P, Pavlov, A, eds. Cinemeducation: A Comprehensive Guide to the Use of Film in Medical Education. Radcliffe Publishing LTD, Oxford, Seattle, 01/05, 119-122.
 
Lenahan, P, Pavlov, A, Alexander, M. Lifestyle Modification. In: Alexander, M, Lenahan, P, Pavlov, A, eds. Cinemeducation: A Comprehensive Guide to the Use of Film in Medical Education. Radcliffe Publishing LTD, Oxford, Seattle, 01/05, 147-151.
 
Fogarty, C, Lenahan, P, Alexander, M, Ellwood, A, Duke, A, Prest, L. Family Violence.In: Alexander, M, Lenahan, P, Pavlov, A, eds.Cinemeducation: A Comprehensive Guide to the Use of Film in Medical Education. Radcliffe Publishing LTD, Oxford, Seattle, 01/05, 95-103.
 
Lenahan, P, Pavlov, A, Alexander, M. Adult Developmental Issues Through the Life Cycle. In: Alexander, M, Lenahan, P, Pavlov, A, eds. Cinemeducation: A Comprehensive Guide to the Use of Film in Medical Education. Radcliffe Publishing LTD, Oxford, Seattle, 01/05, 29-33.
 
Alexander, M. Anxiety and Depression. In: Sloane, P, Slatt, L, Kollisch, D, eds. Family Medicine: A Study Guide for Medical Students in the Clinical Years. Williams & Wilkins, 1992 – Revision, 81-86.
 
Alexander, M. Anxiety and Depression. In: Sloane, P, Slatt, L, Kollisch, D, eds. Family Medicine: A Study Guide for Medical Students in the Clinical Years. Williams & Wilkins, 1988, 81-86.
 
 

Peer Reviewed Articles

In refereed journals

Alexander, M., Quereshi, S. The Unhappily Married Patient, American Family Physician, in-press, Spring 2019

Alexander, M, The Couple’s Odyssey: Hollywood’s Take on Love Relationships, International Review of Psychiatry, 06/09; 21: 1-6.

Alexander, M, Waxman D, White P. What’s Eating Gilbert Grape: A Case Study of Illness. Journal for Learning through the Arts: A Research Journal on Arts Integration in Schools and Communities. 2007; Vol.2: No.1, Article 13.

Burkhardt N, Roberts M, Alexander M, Dodds A. Communicating Effectively with Patients Suspected of Having Bulimia Nervosa. Journal of the American Dental Association 2005; 136(8):1130-37.

Alexander M. The Doctor: A Seminal Video for Cinemeducation.Family Medicine 2002; 34(2):92-4.

Hall M, Pettice Y, Robinson M, Alexander M. Teaching Smoking Cessation to Family Practice Residents: An Experiential Approach.Family Medicine 1996;28:331-6. 

Alexander M. Cinemeducation: An Innovative Approach to Teaching Multi-Cultural Diversity in Medicine.Annals of Behavioral Science and Medical Education 1995;2(1):23-8.

 

For complete list, download Dr. Alexander’s Curriculum Vitae: malexander-cv.pdf[PDF, 354kb].